So when we left off yesterday, I was pleased--because it was pleasing to God--to have found myself with a husband and 3 children born within 3 years...cue Part 3:
After a couple years of this, I felt unsettled in my soul, and unsure about myself. To my own disbelief, being a stay-at-home mom wasn't all roses and cheerful work. I knew it would be hard work, but I never imagined it might not be 100% satisfying. As I prayed (and worried over) what was to come next, God answered me in a very unexpected way: through our parish priest, He invited me to go to work as our parish DRE and youth minister. Through the 3 years I had that job, I came to value myself again and the skills I have at reaching out to young people and families, I appreciated once again every moment I got to have with my own children, I got to know our church family so much better, and I helped provide for our family at a time when we needed it. I became better again at the job I'd had for many years as Camp Tekakwitha Assistant Director and found renewed joy for the gift of Prairie Star Ranch as our home and vocation. All of these gifts came through a venue I "never" thought appropriate for any good mom. Meanwhile, my children flourished and our family found good balance.
Of course, as I'll tell you in another story some day, I've come to see that God doesn't call us to get comfortable and complacent, but rather to seek further virtue and holiness. This brings us to the part of life when I realized--AGAIN--that being open to God's call means taking time to consider that He might be calling. We were so comfortable with not getting pregnant again that it never even occurred to us to ask God through prayer what HE wanted at that time. As we became aware of this, we did start to pray and we realized He was asking us to be open to new life again. I was SO not in the mood to be pregnant since I'm not one of those women who make it look easy, but we listened and obeyed, and God answered in mercy. Meg's was the easiest pregnancy I've had (thank you, Jesus!) and her addition has brought so much fun into our life that I can't imagine how boring things would have gotten without her.
So now I've filled the seats at my table and in my van which means I've accepted a big-ish family, I've stepped outside my comfort zone and gone to work while having young children, I'm much younger than anyone else with 4 kids and therefore accepted that we're "different"...I've done all God keeps asking and deserve to reap the benefits, right?
"Comfortable...don't get comfortable." (Brandon Heath) If we were listening like such good Christians, why was there a restlessness? Why was my job becoming more complicated and seemingly not conducive to my primary vocation as wife and mom? What could we possibly be missing? Could it, for even one second, be that God was calling us to explore more options and look again at what it really means to be completely open to His ways?
In hearing the Holy Spirit through various ways, including prayer, we decided to expose ourselves to vulnerability and seek out another life situation. We saw that if we didn't put ourselves out there, we weren't giving God a chance to move us another way. We were saying we were open but not being willing to give it a chance to really form...so began a series of applications, resumes, cover letters, and interviews for various jobs located throughout the midwest (and one random one in WA just because the job description was too perfect not to). At this time, I also took on a 3rd job (crazy!) and found great joy in realizing I LOVE being a preschool teacher and will happily go back to that job if/when God ever calls me there again. Shawn's interviews had lead no where, another school year had started and better than expected, and I was loving my newest job...life was mostly all good so maybe we should settle in after all. We'd done our job by being open and God was rewarding us by saying stay? Ha!
Rather, quite suddenly, the job in Seattle was interviewed for and then offered, and seemed very much to be something that would use a great deal of Shawn's gifts, helping him to grow in holiness. I, however, "never" expected that the job God would call him to would be the one that would take me so far from everything known, from everyone known. Surely He knows me better than this? It turns out He does know me better--better than I know myself and as He spoke into my soul, God assured me that if I would say yes, He'd send the Holy Spirit with us and continue to provide the courage I'd so very much need.
Stayed tuned for the final installment of Why "Living The Never"? coming your way tomorrow. I wonder what I'll write about after that...
Peace be with you,
Anne
:) * +
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