Tomorrow is my 31st birthday and as I contemplate the time between now and when I turned 30--which was supposed to be a landmark--I feel myself more in awe now than I did then. You see, it's been just over one year since our Seattle adventure was beginning and as I look back, we have so much to be thankful for. As I look forward, I find myself waiting as patiently as possible to see what another year here will hold, to see what God's vision for our family is. As I live in the here and now, I *try* to take each moment as it comes and not get caught up in either remembering what's been or seeking for answers to what will be--some days I live this better than others.
First, my litany of things for which I've developed a renewed, more keen appreciation over the past year. I think I have to lead off with thanking God for the beauty of the foundation set for Shawn and I in our married life. To have come from solid families, to have met each other at a solid Catholic college (go BC!) where we made solid Catholic friends, and then to be so very blessed to spend the first 8 years of our marriage at Prairie Star Ranch...a person couldn't ask for much more. I can say with honesty that for the most part we also took time to appreciate those things as they came, too, but now I can appreciate them in a different way as I wonder if I'd be strong enough to gracefully handle our current life if it wasn't for all the many ways our family was formed by our initial life. I hope and pray that the work we're doing here will develop in Seattle a community of believers set vibrantly on fire, but in this absence we're currently living of such a community as I know is possible, I am ever more grateful to draw on our previous years for strength. For many Masses, concerts, rallies, etc, etc, that gave my children a love of Christian music that lives on, even if the only place they hear it very often is the radio and me singing the songs running through my head. For the wisdom of really holy couples with more experience leading Shawn and I by example. For the opportunity to have our whole life wrapped up in ministry both through PSR, Camp Tekakwitha, and Sacred Heart YM that has set a precedence for how we want our life to look and how wonderfully the Holy Spirit will move when you allow it. For our past, I am most definitely grateful.
Now, however, to reflect on the gratitude I have not only for what's been, but for what IS. First, because this year has confirmed my belief in a God who IS. Period. Gratitude for a God who's divine plan is not just to create, but to tend His creation with abundant love and mercy. I've seen this many ways this past year. I humbly, then, offer to my caretaker, all my gratitude for a sense of contented peace that was seriously lacking one year ago. At that time, I was just pleased for each day that I didn't feel like I was sinking, for when the smallest victories outnumbered the major setbacks. Today, I celebrate the feeling that I can actually tread water and sometimes even swim through our daily life--mind you, I am keenly aware, this only occurs by the grace of God!
Over the past year, we've made more friendships than I could have ever hoped for, and with people in so many different walks of life that I feel each unique relationship feeding different parts of my soul that were longing for nourishment one year ago. For other moms to pray rosary with, for their families to celebrate Church feast days with, for other parents of preschoolers to laugh at toddler antics with, for other young adult friends who bring me balance and remind me I'm only 31 when most of these other friends are 5-20 years older than us--for all of these people and more, I'm beyond grateful.
Added to this, I want to reflect on the journey of going back to being a stay-at-home mom. Said journey has definitely felt a bit like being on a roller coaster, with high points and exhilaration from fulfillment in being so involved with my children and running our home, but also with times when it felt like I was slowly climbing inches only to then feel like the bottom had dropped out as I struggled to be me, to recognize who I, as a daughter of God, am--to be my unique self and not just "wife" or "mom". Yet, when I step off the ride for this moment and reflect objectively, I have zero doubt that it's the best ride ever and I can't wait to get back on. Thank you, Lord Jesus, that for now at least, I'm able to do just that!!
Next, I couldn't not offer my gratitude for our new parish and school, St. Monica's. It is--as is any parish--imperfect, and it does--as does any parish--have it's own dramas unfolding at any given time. That said, the open arms of hospitality offered to our family when we desperately needed it has brought me a renewed hope for the Catholic churches and schools of western WA. For 3 brief weeks, we were actually a proclaimed home-school family for this year because we were so tired of schools that were nominally "Catholic" but in actuality were focused on being private. We were at a loss for church itself, since we were struggling to find a home that was both orthodox AND vibrant (I know, I know we're picky....). That said, announcing our intent to home-school became an issue not because of other's judgement about that plan, but because our own feeling of unease was too much to ignore. Now, my children attend a school where our Catholic faith is proclaimed and lived as a much more primary focus, they're in classrooms where all the children interact because their parents aren't creating nasty cliques, and they are satisfied and settled with life in general. We go to Mass on Sundays at a parish where they get to see all of these same people--who, I should note, almost all stick around every single week for the biggest donuts and coffee gathering I've ever been a part of. While at this Mass, we sit in the midst of families whose children may or may not be making just as much noise as our own and we all try our hardest but feel grateful that even in the stickier moments people aren't pushing us to shoo our children off to the nursery, but rather to include them in the liturgy and help them grow up in that setting. And, believe it or not, in such a setting, my children have become the most well behaved they've ever been in Mass--go figure! ;-) To cap a short-story-made-long, let's just say I'm grateful for a parish and school community that feel like they could be home for a while if God so chooses for us, and not just a place to pass some time until we can find something better.
On a different venue, I can't help but take pause to mention how totally filled with joy my heart is when I think back on the many new experiences we've had this year. I LOVE MOUNTAINS...I do, it's true. Wandering through deciduous rain forests nestled high within them, watching the sun rise and set over them when coming to and fro our new school, sharing the memory of when we got caught in a blizzard while driving the pass between a few of them, camping atop them with friends, sledding with their peaks for a backdrop, marveling at their ability to hide behind cloud cover...they. are. so. great. So, while I can't help but for part of me to wish that maybe someday God will call us back to KS, I wonder if maybe some how we could bring them with us, as they've moved towards the top of my list of things that easily remind me of His majesty. Also: fish market, space needle, ocean, boat locks, quaint Bavarian mountain village, ancient trees, aquarium, ferry rides, etc, etc, etc....I could list so many more, but we'd all get bored. Let's just say it's been a year of new, and it's been fun!
Last but not least, I most especially know that there is no greater birthday gift on earth than to be with Shawn and the girls as we wait together in joyful anticipation of the heavenly life that's been promised to us when we'll get to party with Jesus, Angela, Hilary, and all the saints, Saints, and angels. Our nuclear family has taken on a much great significance this year as we've often had only each other to rely on, and I've got to say...these are some VERY cool people I'm livin' with! Laughing together at our own silliness, overcoming fears together, caring for one another, praying together, learning to ride bikes and swim, becoming a diaper-free house for the present, moments of magnitude and miracle, but also moments of minutia or uncertainty...for each and every one I am grateful because through it all I have a God who loves me and who never leaves me. What more could a 31-year-old girl ask for?
Peace be with you,
Anne
:) * +
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