Why "Living The Never"? (Part 1)

Welcome to the start of my blogging journey! I hope it will be something of great fun for me and for you if you continue to read along (I guarantee it will be wordy, sorry). Future posts will be about what daily "living the never" looks like and will hopefully be shorter. As we begin, though, I'd like to start by explaining myself, so let me take you back about 12 years (this is a lengthy story and so will be told over 4 days--stayed tuned!).

It was early August 1999, I was enjoying my last summer as a "child" by delivering pizzas and hanging out with my boyfriend of several months, looking forward to heading off to college--where I was most definitely going to stay together with said boyfriend by way of long distance. ;) Oh, and I had all the answers, knew exactly where my life was headed, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah included a definitively-mapped plan to graduate in 4 years and become a successful professional, THEN marry a good Catholic man, work a few years until we were finacially stable, and THEN become a constantly-happy stay-at-home mom for as long as my appropriately-spaced, appropriate number of children needed me. Simple, right? Here are some facts I knew back then: Love at first sight is NEVER possible. A woman should NEVER sell herself short by getting married (how pathetic!) before earning a full degree and using it. There are NEVER absolutes in this world, so you can believe what you want and I can believe what I want. Parents should NEVER have children too close together, and definitely NOT too many of them unless said parents are rich and have infinite time each day. A good mom would NEVER work while she has children still not in school. MY family would NEVER choose to move away from extended relatives and friends, and MY family would NEVER drive anything bigger than a mini-van because that would imply there's not possibly enough love to go around. Get the picture? (I know it's not "good" to use that many all-caps words, but since it's MY blog I feel I can take artistic liberty.)

Now let me unfold the beauty and joy of how life really goes when you listen to GOD'S plan. You see, it's in the "nevers" that God speaks to me, leading me to become a happily humble human that says YES and is forever changed for the better!

It was in that same August of 1999 that my parents moved me into my dorm room at Benedictine college and said good-bye so that I could head off to the first event of freshman orientation, an ice cream social. I don't think I ate any ice cream, but I did fall head-over-heals in love. There was this crazy boy who wore a bright orange shirt, had purple finger nails, and wore enough Catholic paraphanalia to be described as nothing short of obnoxiously-in-your-face religious who happened to stick his hand in my face and charmed me from the first. Of course this would never be possible since I was already in love and couldn't find someone so brash the least bit appealing, especially not right away. Cue softening of heart number one. Surrounded by the wonderfully faith-filled community of friends I immediately made at Benedictine, I started to reconnect with the girl I'd once been just a few years before--who loved Jesus and didn't bother to hide it--rather than the girl who'd moved to Parsons, KS and seen that being Catholic was a nominal excuse to behave badly, repent so that all was okay, and then repeat. Mind you, whatever you're picturing is probably too extreme since I was never good at being bad, but well, it still wasn't my best 2 years. Anyway, I digress...

I quickly realized the me who loved a boy long-distance was not the real me, broke it off, and started a long 9 months of on-again, off-again dating with the greatest guy (next to Jesus) in the entire world. Really, ladies, sorry you missed out, but I got the best there is. We stayed up many a night talking the world to death and finding a middle ground where we were both much better people. I grew to see that there's simply no reason to have any beliefs if you're not going to take them as absolute and he came to understand that while that's true, you'll gather far more people to those beliefs through kindness rather than through being overly confident. Together we sought answers so that what we believed came from a sincere understanding (and acceptance of mystery) rather than just settling for what the Church tells us we should believe (although not surprisingly to us, we've found the Church to have deep seekers as the ones to determine what It believes and therefore be in the right).

None-the-less, this boy, who shall hence forth be called Shawn, proceeded to break my heart too many times to count as he discerned what God was calling him to and I knew for certain we were to marry and get each other to Heaven. I embodied the pathetic girl who let herself get hurt over and over again, and I'll hurt any boy who ever puts my girls through that, but I can't be completely sorry for it when it's brought me to where I am now. Eventually, Shawn "saw the light" and became whole-heartedly committed and thus I thought we were to begin 2 years of serious dating followed by 1 year of preparation for marriage, which would then happen AFTER we both attained respectable degrees.


Cue softening of heart two. Not more than 2 weeks after Shawn decided to stick, I landed in the hospital with a life-threatening bleeding disorder during the same week my sister was preparing for her own wedding. In case you were curious, this is the perfect recipe for realizing that diplomas matter far less than relationships, which are the real purpose for which we are created. The Holy Spirit spoke into our hearts leading us to become engaged just 4 months after that crazy week, with plans to marry in just 2 more years. If you do the math that's--GASP--1 full year before graduating. By leading me to my vocation of marriage with Shawn, God forced my hand and brought me to admit that the first 3 "nevers" I held were untrue and I was ever-so-thankful for it! My wedding day is still my favorite of all time, not to mention I know I'm SO blessed by all the joys and struggles of the 9 years of married life we've spent together since then.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of our story tomorrow.... it's shorter.  :)